How Imagination Shapes Reality in Relationships

When we talk about relationships, the issue is often not reality itself, but what a person does with reality in their own mind.

As Freud observed, there is often little difference in the psychological importance we give to imagination and reality. What matters most is not whether something is objectively true, but how it is experienced internally. Reality, in this sense, is frequently what people choose to see rather than something entirely objective.

In relationships, it is natural to develop assumptions, misinterpretations, and even mild delusions. This is an aspect of relationships that is rarely discussed openly, yet it plays a major role in many relationship difficulties.

Jealousy and Control in Relationships

Jealousy and control are good examples of how imagination can override reality. In my experience, these two often go together. Even when jealousy is not justified, one partner may feel the need to repeatedly check where the other partner is throughout the day and to account for even brief gaps in time.

I once worked with a client who felt compelled to check on his partner every half hour. In his mind, this was long enough for infidelity to occur. The problem was not the reality of the situation, but the internal narrative he was living with.

How Therapy Helps with Jealousy and Trust Issues

What makes relationships work?The aim of therapy in this situation was not to argue about facts, but to help the client recognise and challenge the beliefs driving the jealousy. Therapy focused on building trust, addressing insecurity, and understanding how past experiences were shaping present behaviour.

By working with these patterns at a psychological level, it became possible to reduce the need for control and create a more balanced and trusting relationship.

Why Relationship Problems Are Often Misunderstood

The key to making any relationship work is understanding relationships in general. When someone understands how emotional patterns operate, any deeply personal relationship has a much greater chance of success.

Difficulties often arise when people assume that problems are caused entirely by the other person, rather than by expectations, fears, and beliefs carried from previous experiences.

The Myth of the ‘Perfect’ Soul Mate

One helpful belief is recognising that it is entirely possible to have more than one meaningful “soul mate” in a lifetime. There is not just one person in the entire world who could fulfil this role.

If there were only one perfect match for each person, the chances of finding them would be extremely small. Those who are excessively selective are often the ones who wonder why they never meet the “right” person.

There was once an estimate that out of every thousand potential partners, only one might be a perfect match. While this may not be scientifically accurate, modern dating platforms do increase the chances of compatibility by matching people based on shared values and interests rather than pure chance.

Why Being Single Can Be Healthier Than the Wrong Relationship

Relationships are serious, but they cannot be approached with desperation. It is important to recognise that a person can live a full and rewarding life even if they remain single.

Constantly feeling that something is missing can undermine wellbeing. Being overly desperate to form a relationship often leads to poor choices and unhealthy dynamics.

While most people do not want to grow old alone, entering the wrong relationship can be far more damaging than remaining single. Being single is almost always preferable to being in a harmful or unhappy relationship.

Inner Exploration and Emotional Understanding

Some people find excitement through travel and exploring the world. Others find it more meaningful to explore human relationships and the inner world of thoughts, emotions, and motivations.

This kind of inner exploration raises important questions:

• Why do some people succeed in relationships while others struggle repeatedly?
• Why do the same patterns reappear, even with different partners?

Understanding these questions can lead to deeper emotional awareness and more fulfilling connections.

Imagination, Reality, and the Idea of a Soul Mate

The idea of a “soul mate” exists at the intersection of imagination and reality. Feeling that someone is your soul mate begins in the mind and is then either confirmed or challenged by lived experience.

In many cases, both partners imagine the relationship in this way, and over time that shared belief becomes a shared reality. In this sense, imagination and reality are not opposites, but work together to shape how relationships develop.

Relationship Therapy and Counselling in Newport

If relationship difficulties are affecting your wellbeing, professional support can help. I offer counselling, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy in Newport, helping individuals and couples explore emotional patterns, improve trust, and develop healthier ways of relating.

Therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore both imagination and reality — and how they influence your relationships — so that meaningful and lasting change becomes possible.