How Therapy Can Help You Find Your Way in Relationships
Relationships can be one of the most rewarding parts of life, but they can also be a source of deep confusion, frustration, and emotional pain. This post has the therapeutic aim of helping people find their way in relationships.
Over the last 30 years, since I began my career in therapy, I have helped many individuals and couples work through a wide range of relationship difficulties. These include:
- Conflict resolution
- Sexual problems
- Anger management
- Issues of jealousy and control
- Relationship anxiety and loss of confidence
- Strengthening relationships that are already good but could be even better
This is not a comprehensive list. Relationship difficulties are highly personal, and the way an issue is experienced depends very much on the individual and their life circumstances.
How Counselling, Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy Can Help
Counselling is usually the starting point of therapy to help healthy and mature relationships. The first session, known as the consultation, is an opportunity to build a clear understanding of the problem and the wider context of the person’s life.
It would be a superficial approach to focus only on the presenting issue without considering the broader emotional, relational, and personal background in which it exists. Understanding this context is essential for meaningful and lasting change.
Psychotherapy and hypnotherapy often work very effectively together:
- Psychotherapy addresses the problem at a conscious level, helping the client explore patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaviour.
- Hypnotherapy reinforces helpful changes at a subconscious level, supporting new ways of thinking and responding.
One of the therapeutic approaches I use is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP works by helping people change long-standing mental patterns so that they can view problems from a different perspective and respond in more helpful ways.
Understanding Old Patterns and “Programming”
NLP is based on the idea that much of what we think, feel, and how we behave is influenced by earlier life experiences. These patterns are often formed in childhood and may never have been consciously examined or updated.
Even many years later, these old patterns can continue to influence relationships, self-confidence, and emotional responses. The aim of therapy is not to blame the past, but to gently re-programme unhelpful patterns so they no longer interfere with present-day life.
Hypnotherapy is then used to reinforce these changes, helping them become more natural and automatic.
Case Study: Rebuilding Confidence and Intimacy
The following case study illustrates how counselling, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy can work together.
A 40-year-old man came to see me for sex therapy. He had never experienced penetrative sex, as his erections were not strong enough. While there was a physical element to the problem, it quickly became clear that confidence and emotional factors were central.
He was also a very shy person and had earlier sexual experiences that had significantly undermined his confidence.
The Importance of Understanding the Root Issue
During the initial counselling session, these experiences came to light. This made it clear that simply using hypnosis to suggest confidence would not be enough. Without addressing the underlying issues, such an approach would have been unlikely to work.
Instead, we explored realistic and constructive options together. From the choices he identified, we focused on two possibilities:
- Seeing a prostitute to gain experience
- Developing a relationship with an older woman who could help build his confidence
He first chose to see a prostitute. Although she was physically attractive, the experience was unsuccessful. She was younger, emotionally detached, and the encounter felt transactional rather than supportive or intimate.
What Worked
What did work was entering into a relationship with a woman around four to five years older than himself. This relationship provided emotional safety, patience, and understanding.
Through hypnotherapy, I reinforced confidence-building suggestions, encouraging him not to focus on performance or penetration, but on intimacy and connection.
A key NLP principle used was:
“Always focus on what you want, not what you don’t want, until it becomes a deeply ingrained habit.”
By shifting the focus from fear and performance anxiety to closeness and emotional connection, the pressure reduced naturally.
Follow-up sessions confirmed that the relationship was working well, and both partners were happy with the outcome. Confidence improved, intimacy developed, and the original problem resolved itself as a result.
Final Thoughts
Relationship difficulties are rarely just about the surface issue. Whether the problem involves conflict, intimacy, jealousy, or confidence, effective therapy looks at the whole person and their life experience.
Counselling, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy together offer a powerful and respectful way to create lasting change—helping people move forward with greater confidence, understanding, and emotional freedom.